Dear Miss Lindsay Lohan,

This photo makes you look like quite the young tart. And I do mean that in the best of ways. I bet you have the young fellows panting when you stoll by.

Then again, the dress you wear is more elegant than a common one. I imagine it is designer, and may even have been made exclusively for your body. Quite wonderful indeed.

Sincerely,

Sir Loth of Lockewood