Dear Miss Lindsay Lohan,

Pink is a color which brings out your gorgeous hair. The shape of your face is quite enchanting. I realize that you act in the theater. However you must also be a model, right?

The other day I rented your Mean Girls. Jolly good show ma'am. Your accent was entertaining to say the least. If I did not know better, I would say you came from the motherland.

Sincerely,

Sir Loth of Lockewood