Dear Miss Lindsay Lohan,

Darling you pull off the school girl look quite well. But I must ask. What is that you have draped across your shoulder? Perhaps it is something specific to the Americas?

Oh good lord. Who cares? Those large spectacles make you seem most mysterious. I would have love to have been your instructor. You did attend school, did you not?

Sincerely,

Sir Loth of Lockewood